Remembering Dad, Recognizing Loss

Today is the 3rd anniversary of my Dad's death. His death day was November 26, 2017.

My Dad, Ray Jordan, was a gentle, kind man.

Among many other things he enjoyed: collecting stamps, traveling the world in younger years, and 'puttering' in the yard and garden. I attribute much of my love of growing plants and my sense of wonder at the natural world to my Dad.

Thanks so much Dad! My heart is full of gratitude to you.

Though he died 3 years ago, I 'lost' him years before as he lived through the slow decline of dementia. Yet what remains are the bonds of love & many memories. I remember Dad as I work in the soil and delight in flowers blooming in Spring, or discover a shapely piece of drift wood, or an interesting stone. I remember Dad in the wonder of bird song and the thrill of migrating flocks. I honour Dad's life when I respond to another with kindness and generosity as he did.

I recognize that not everyone has the gift of a gentle, kind Dad. For those for whom that is the case, having to sort through the pain of being let down or hurt can complicate one's grief. There can be the added loss of realizing the relationship will never mend. You may be left with unfinshed business mingled with memories.

Our memories of loved ones can be a mix of bitter and sweet whether they are still living or have died..

Today is also US Thanksgiving. It will be a very different one for most people in the US with the pandemic raging in its second wave and so much loss arising from it. Many will be unable to gather with family and friends. Many will be missing and grieving loved ones who have died in this pandemic, and the oft overlooked pandemic of the opiod crisis. Many will be missing and grieving those who died by violence over the past year. Many will be in uncertain financial situations, or exhausted by the efforts of working in an essential service. Offering thanks will be a mix of bitter and sweet. The losses are compounded by isolation, uncertainty, weariness, and winter closing in.

How do you recognize and honour your losses? Today, I planted a Heartnut tree in the Stewart Creek Food Forest in memory of Dad. It's a Japanese Walnut variety (Juglans ailantifolia) that bears nuts in 5-7 years. It's a tiny twig now, but it will grow! Dad would have been fascinated by the heart shaped nuts. I will be thinking of him as I nurture it and watch it grow.

Wherever you are in your life journey, consider how you recognize the death anniversary of a loved one.

Many cultures around the world have traditions to honour the beloved dead on their death day and at other times of the year. In Jewish traditions this is called Yahrtzeit.

While loss is part of life, we are all facing numerous losses during this pandemic, whether loss through illness and death, or the multitude of 'large' or 'small' losses including not being able to gather together.

What symbolic action, ceremony, or ritual do you choose to honour your losses?

Take gentle care of yourselves!

Meg